Love in the Time of Winter
by yuki gackt
Summary: Jaime is sick of the all that's happened the last couple years and sets off to the one place where he might find redemption and the one person he thinks could save him. But Jon is understandably angry and reluctant to accept Jaime. Can they overcome all that's happened and find happiness? Suck at summaries...just read please :) Jaime x Jon fic
1. Chapter 1

So ever since I saw their _one single scene_ together at the beginning of season 1 and saw the chemistry between them, I wanted more Jaime x Jon action. Except that there was no more! =( And I don't think they even met in the book (I really can't remember...). Since no one else seems to be writing fics for them...I've finally decided to just do this… Everything thru the end of season 4 stands. This starts at the beginning of season 5, replacing most of it with lots of timeline shifts, but I'll still borrow some of the main plot points from the show/books and hope I don't butcher anything...anyway, here's chapter 1!

 **Warning** : May contain spoilers for the show...depending on how much of season 5 you've seen...although it's possible that you will be blissfully unaware of which plot points are spoilers... =P

Disclaimer: Don't own Game of Thrones or anyone in it. If I did, I'd be busy having way too much fun doing _other stuff_. ^_~

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 **Chapter 1**

Jaime sat in front of the fire turning the note over and over with his left hand. He was unsure of what he should do. Everything was so complicated now and he yearned for a time when things were simpler. He recalled the trip to the north that set all the events of the last few years in motion and the one person that had managed to stay on his mind.

~~Flashback~~

Jaime had wanted him at first sight. When he first saw the brooding young man standing in the crowd as he rode into Winterfell with King Robert, Jaime's interest was immediately piqued. There was something about him that pulled Jaime in and a quiet inquiry revealed that he was Ned Stark's bastard. Jon Snow.

He had held out approaching Jon for nearly their whole stay in the north. And it wasn't until the last day before they left that Jaime finally indulged himself and approached Jon when he saw him working with the blacksmith in the castle yard. Jaime still remembered their exchange like it was yesterday.

Though Jaime spoke about how noble it was to serve the Night's Watch, he had said the words mockingly and sarcastically. But Jon was so naive about the world that he didn't understand the reason why Jaime spoke of the Watch the way he did. Jon truly believed that the Night's Watch was a brotherhood full of noble, honest, selfless men who joined to protect Westeros from all the wildlings, beasts and walkers beyond the Wall. He thought they were all like him. And some were, but most were criminals, murderers and thieves, from the lowest rungs of society. Men who were only there because their other choice was death.

Jaime knew right away that Jon was still a virgin and the knowledge made a part of him feel giddy. How that was possible, he had no idea. Bastard born he may be, but Jon still had Stark blood in him and there were many other noble bastards who would have used that fact to their benefit. But not Jon Snow. Even though it was clear Ned had cared for his bastard son greatly. Cared enough to keep the boy close and raise him amongst his legitimate children even though it was also clear Catelyn Stark could barely stand the sight of him. Small wonder he joined the Night's Watch.

And when Jaime took his hand, he felt the strongest urge to tumble Jon right there in the yard, ogling castle folk and mud be damned. It took all of Jaime's will to release Jon's hand and walk away nonchalantly as if he didn't matter to him one bit. He didn't understand how he could feel this way about someone other than Cersei, let alone a man. And it wasn't that he believed like others that to love another man would be terribly sinful, after all, he would be hypocritical if he did. But he had only been with women, had only felt desire for women, and none other after Cersei first sought his bed the year before Geoffrey was born. So this sudden urge shook Jaime to his core. A part of him even felt as if he betrayed Cersei with these feelings for Jon.

After they all left Winterfell, Jaime back to King's Landing and Jon to the Wall, Jaime thought of him on occasion and tried to dismiss it as a fluke due to being so far north for so long. The man was barely out of boyhood and naive about the ways of the world outside of Winterfell. It was unlikely he would survive long in the Watch. Which Jaime thought would be such a shame, as he would likely die still a virgin. Jaime even wondered if it might have been a service to Jon if he'd taken him, just once, to let him experience the pleasure of having a lover.

Then all hell broke loose after the start of the war, with Jaime getting captured and then losing his hand. Everything changed after that. Cersei never looked at him the same way again and other than the time by Geoffrey's corpse, which Jaime will regret until the day he died, they hadn't been together since his return to King's Landing. Her feelings for him had changed after he lost his sword hand and worse yet, she blamed him for allowing Tyrion to escape and murder their father. And Jaime was a different man now than he was before the start of the war. He was tired of the war and sick of all the deaths in his House and in others.

There was one bright moment when he found Cersei in a rage one day in her chambers. She shoved a note at him which stated that Jon Snow had been elected the 998th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. Jaime was surprised. How he had underestimated Jon. Jaime found that he was also happy; happy that Jon was still alive and had made something of himself in the Watch. Cersei felt quite the opposite and ranted that now Ned Stark's bastard would use the Night's Watch as his own personal army against the Lannisters. Despite the fact that Jaime pointed out that the Night's Watch didn't take sides in conflicts in Westeros, Cersei wanted him dead. And when Jaime heard those words, he surprised himself yet again, when his protective instincts rose up and he felt anger towards Cersei for threatening Jon.

It was at that point that Jaime realized that his feelings for Cersei had changed as well. Part of it was because he had changed, but mostly because she was such a different person from the woman he had loved. She had become paranoid with power, distrustful of everyone and had filled the Small Council with inept loyalists who catered to her every whim. Jaime could see that with Cersei in control of Tommen, King's Landing and Westeros would sink into further chaos and cause great suffering to the people and the economy of the Seven Kingdoms.

Further blows came the Iron Bank of Braavos refused to grant new loans to the Crown due to Cersei's refusal meet with their representatives personally. And due to her scheming against Margaery Tyrell, Cersei herself was arrested by the Faith for adultery and incest. And Jaime was shocked and dismayed when Cersei admitted to committing adultery and incest with their cousin Lancel. Jaime discovered that as soon as he went off to war, Cersei had seduced Lancel into her bed and used him to get Robert so inebriated on wine that when the boar came at him, he had no chance.

Jaime realized then that Cersei used him as well and never really loved him the way he loved her.

~~End Flashback~~

As he reminisced about all that happened, Jaime thought that if he knew back then all that would come to pass, he might very well have abandoned his position in Robert's King's Guard and followed Jon Snow to the Wall that day so long ago.

Jaime stared at the note in his hand. Cersei wanted to use Jaime again. She wanted him to represent her in her trial by combat. It was almost laughable, he was barely half the fighter he used to be. Learning to fight left-handed had been thus far a slow affair. Even if he were at the same level as before, after everything she'd done, she didn't deserve to be saved. Jaime was done putting his life on the line for her. He needed to find his own salvation now.

He thanked the Seven that their remaining children were in good hands. Tommen had their uncle Kevan and Mace Tyrell and though Margaery was manipulative, she was nowhere near Cersei's level and Jaime could see that there was some kindness in her. And Myrcella was safe in Dorne and she and her betrothed Trystane Martell were actually in love. As angry as he was over their father's death, Jaime thanked Tyrion silently for arranging the match that has surely saved Myrcella. Yes, their children were better off without them. It wasn't as if he can be a father to them anyway. Not without destroying all their lives further.

With that, Jaime threw Cersei's note into the fire and gathered the necessities he would need for his long journey and quietly slipped out of the castle.

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A/N: Sorry for such a long "monologue" of sorts...just needed to set up the background, how Jaime was feeling and what his mindset was...anyway, hope you liked it. Please R&R. =)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own Game of Thrones or anyone in it. If I did, I'd be busy having way too much fun doing _other stuff_. ^_~

Warning: May contain spoilers for the show...depending on where we are in the season... Eventual Jon x Jaime... Don't like, don't read...

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 **Chapter 2**

Jon could scarcely believe his eyes as he stood on the second level walkway and looked down into the yard of Castle Black. Could that really be Jaime Lannister standing before him, being greeted so enthusiastically by Janos Slynt? When Edd had burst into his chambers and told him that Jaime Lannister was asking to be granted entrance, Jon had thought he was surely mistaken. But it wasn't a mistake. It really was Jaime Lannister standing there, with his golden hair and **cocky smile on his handsome face**. Jaime Lannister…

Even though so much time had passed, Jon still remembered their one conversation so vividly, if it could even be called that. He remembered feeling surprised that Jaime Lannister knew who he was and was confused by the way Jaime's close presence made him feel. And when Jaime shook his hand, Jon felt so unsettled by him that he tried to pull his hand back only for it and him to be pulled even closer to Jaime. He still remembered his heart beating faster and his breath catching. He wasn't so naive that he didn't understand Jaime's mocking tone as he spoke about thanking Jon for joining the Watch. Jon just didn't realize the reason for it until after the arrived at the Wall and saw the reality of his situation. He realized that he had been naive about thinking that all men volunteered for the Watch wholeheartedly with the sole purpose of protecting the realm in their minds and hearts.

It seemed like such a long time ago since he last thought of the man. Since before Ygritte… And though Jon frequently thought about Jaime on the way to the Wall and during Tyrion's stay at Castle Black, when he began training in earnest, Jon firmly set all thoughts of Jaime aside and except for the brief hateful and vengeful thoughts he had for all Lannisters after finding out Geoffrey had had Ned executed, Jon hadn't thought of Jaime at all. Mostly because he had fallen in love with Ygritte. And yet, after having been with Ygritte, Jon now recognized the feelings he had felt when he first met Jaime. Jon had been attracted to him, had wanted him. But he was scarcely out of boyhood then and Jon was a very different man now and he was fully in control of his emotions. At least he thought he was.

Suspicious of why Jaime came to the Wall, Jon walked down to confront him. As he approached the small group in the middle of the yard, he overheard Janos Slynt saying how he was overjoyed to see Jaime and asking where the Lannisters were, assuming that Jaime had come with a great army to take over the Wall and offered his services.

"The Night's Watch is neutral in all matters concerning Westeros and any brother who would break their Oath and abandon it will be sentenced to death," Jon called out, announcing his arrival.

Janos jumped at the the sound of his voice but looked brazen and defiant in Jaime's presence. He was about to speak back but Jaime cut him off.

"Ahh, we had received the good news that you had been elected the 998th Lord Commander. Congratulations, my lord," Jaime said with a smile and bowed to Jon.

Not finding Jaime amusing, Jon asked bluntly, "What are you doing here? I know there's no Lannister army out there. If you're here to complain about my being elected, you can just save yourself the trouble and leave. The Crown, whosoever it may be, has no say here at the Wall."

"I have no ulterior motive, Lord Commander Snow. I have simply come to take the black," Jaime responded with a humorless smile.

All who heard him were taken aback, and Janos Slynt looked flabbergasted. "But - but - wh - why?" He practically whined.

Jon was shocked at Jaime's declaration as well, and was immediately suspicious. What possible motive would Jaime have to join, except if it were some underhanded ploy to weaken Jon's authority with the Watch. And Jon accused him as such. "What possible reason would you have to take the black, except to enact some devious scheme to undermine me?"

Jaime could tell that the Jon Snow standing before him was a different man, vastly different from the young man he met at Winterfell. It wasn't that he expected Jon to be the same wide-eyed young man, but he didn't expect him to have become so hard either. But Jaime supposed that he would have had to become this way to survive at the Wall and to earn enough respect to be elected the Lord Commander.

"May we speak privately? While I am completely willing to discuss my reasoning with you, I would prefer if my 'dirty laundry' wasn't made public gossip," Jaime requested.

While a part of Jon wanted to retort that his dirty laundry already was public gossip throughout the Seven Kingdoms, he simply turned and walked towards his quarters. He didn't look back to see if Jaime was following him, but could hear his footsteps behind him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Melisandre and Queen Selyse standing on the balcony looking at them. Jon sighed inwardly. As if he needed more trouble. Jon wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not that Stannis was not at Castle Back. After seeking advice from Jon, Stannis had gone to the Northern hill clans to look for potential supporters before he confronted the Boltons at Winterfell, but had left Melisandre and his wife and daughter behind. Undoubtedly, he will soon learn of Jaime's presence because even if Jon doesn't send a message to him, Melisandre surely would.

Jon entered his quarters and gestured for Jaime to enter and closed the door to shield them from prying eyes and ears. He sat down behind his desk and purposefully did not invite Jaime to sit. "So? What is your story? Did you suddenly wake up one day and feel the urge to answer the mighty call to join the noble brotherhood of the Night's Watch?" Jon asked sarcastically.

Jaime couldn't help but smile as he remembered the way he had mocked the Watch to Jon. He was certain now that Jon remembered every word he said. "I see you were able to adapt to the environment very well. Truth be told, I wasn't quite sure you would have survived very long."

"It's true that I had some naive thoughts of the Watch and the men who joined, but in the end, those who take the Oaths mean it. And they're good, brave men, despite whatever past they came from. At least most of them," Jon said. "Now, convince me why I should allow you to stay."

"Because, quite frankly, I have nowhere else to go," Jaime admitted.

Jon gave him a surprised look. "What do you mean? You're a King's Guard from the most powerful family in Westeros. Even if you didn't want to stay in King's Landing, I'm sure your _nephew_ would be willing to release you from his service and allow you to go home and rule Casterly Rock."

"I gave up all thought of inheriting Casterly Rock when Aerys Targaryen forced me to join his King's Guard - "

"And look what that got him," Jon solemnly cut in.

"Besides," Jaime smoothly continued, "I haven't wanted Casterly Rock for a long time. It should have gone to Tyrion -"

"You know, I actually liked him," Jon interrupted again.

"That's right, you would have had a chance to get to know him while he was here. He..." Jaime trailed off, unable to keep up his nonchalant facade.

"He's your brother and you loved him, but then he killed your father and you're angry and a part of you hates him for it, but you still love him because he's your brother," Jon finished for him, literally speaking aloud Jaime's exact thoughts. And if Jaime didn't know any better, he might even see a glimpse of sympathy in Jon's expression.

"Well, you took the words right out of my mouth," Jaime said quietly. "And I don't know if you're aware, but certain members of my House are in quite a big predicament."

"If, by certain, you mean your sister, it's nothing she didn't bring on herself or deserve," Jon said coldly.

"I thought that the Night's Watch was supposed to remain neutral in matters south of the Wall," Jaime arched a brow.

"The actions we take are neutral, in that we do not interfere physically, but we still have feelings, opinions and the North remembers, regardless of where and who they are," Jon replied emphatically.

Jaime realized then, exactly how strong Jon had to be not to have abandoned the Watch to join Robb to try to avenge their father and how he must have resisted the urge to take up arms after the Red Wedding. On his way to the wall, he even heard a rumor that Jon had declined Stannis Baratheon's offer to officially name him a Stark and make him the Lord of Winterfell. After living so long with people who schemed to climb to the top and keep their positions at all costs regardless of how much blood was spilled, it was incredibly refreshing to Jaime to meet someone who had no aspirations other than to fight for the good of mankind. And it made Jaime want Jon again, the feelings and desire rushed back with such fervor. A part of him thought that Jon could make him a better man and another part of him wanted to corrupt Jon and bring him down from his honorable perch and darken his snow white soul a bit.

"Well, I suppose nobody's perfect," Jaime said wryly once he had gotten his emotions in check.

"What happened to your hand?" Jon segued and gestured to Jaime's missing sword hand. "How do you expect to protect anyone without your sword hand?"

"I have one of Roose Bolton's bannermen to thank for this," Jaime lifted his right arm. "But I've learned to fight with my left hand and as unconventional as it seems, I dare say I've gotten quite good at it."

Jon nodded. "Arya was left handed...she dreamed of learning to fight. The sword I was inspecting the day we met was one I had made special for her... Who knows what's become of it and her now," Jon said bitterly.

Jaime closed his eyes and felt truly empathetic to what Jon must be feeling. He'd lost his whole family. And Jaime felt guilty for his part in the mess. He tried to console Jon, "By all accounts Arya escaped King's Landing after your father's... death. And Sansa escaped after Geoffrey's. And Brienne of Tarth, who had sworn fealty to Catelyn Stark is looking for them and will protect them at all costs once she finds them."

Jon gave Jaime a skeptical look. He clearly didn't believe Jaime or didn't think Brienne would succeed and to be honest, Jaime wasn't holding out much hope himself.

"Well, no use dwelling on that now, seeing as how I can't do anything about it," Jon said as he forced all emotions away. "Now, why don't you tell me why you're really here?"

"Because I have nowhere else to go, nowhere else I want to be," Jaime answered truthfully. "I have no one else to fight for in King's Landing. Cersei will get whatever fate has in store for her and her children are in good hands and better off without either one of us. But I'm still a fighting man at heart and what is a knight to do without anyone to fight for? And then I thought of you, I remembered when we met and I thought you a fool for throwing your life away when in reality you simply chose a path in life and made it your purpose. And you have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations."

Surprised by Jaime's words, Jon couldn't help but feel flattered as well. He sensed that Jaime was genuine and Jon could see that the years of war and strife have taken their toll on him. Though Jaime had tried to put up a cocky front, Jon could see it was wearing thin and didn't come as easily as before. But he still had that beautiful mane of golden hair and Jon wondered what it would be like to run his fingers thru them - Then Jon caught himself. What the hell was he thinking? How could he still feel this way about a man who was partially responsible for destroying his family?

"You can stay," Jon said roughly. "But it won't be easy or comfortable here. Find a spot in the barracks and then report to Alliser Thorne for training. The current group of recruits have been training for a few weeks, but I'm sure that a man of your fighting experience should have no problem jumping right in."

"I didn't expect life at the Wall to be easy. And thank you my lord, I will strive to get into your good graces," Jaime said as he left Jon's presence.

As he walked towards the yard, Jaime saw a woman with fiery red hair go into Jon's quarters and close the door. "Who is that woman?" He asked Janos, who had been waiting by Jaime's horse this entire time.

"She's a witch or priestess of some cult. Stannis Baratheon brought her here," Janos answered with a frown.

"I thought Stannis was somewhere in the North looking for supporters. And I thought women weren't allowed at Castle Black," Jaime said.

"He is and apparently some are. Stannis left the witch, his wife and his daughter here. But it all started with that wildling girl Gillie, who was brought here by one of Snow's friends," Janos spat out. "But that's hardly surprising considering Snow himself fell in love with one of them."

Jaime jerked his head back, shocked. "How is that possible?"

"Supposedly Snow went off with some great ranger to track some wildlings not long after he joined. They got captured and the ranger forced him to kill him so the wildlings would think he changed sides and spy on them. Least that's what he claimed," Janos snorted. "Personally, I think he abandoned that ranger and he only came back to Castle Black because he knew the wildlings would lose. Either way, he didn't waste the opportunity to find some wildling woman to keep him warm."

While Jaime had no doubt that Jon's story was true, that nothing could tempt him enough to make him abandon the Watch, Jaime was still trying to process the fact that Jon had fallen in love with someone. And though Jaime wasn't entirely sure what exactly he wanted his relationship with Jon to be, he certainly didn't expect to have any "competition." "Is that wildling girl here too?" Jaime asked casually.

"No, she died during the battle when the wildlings tried to take Castle Black, but Snow was devoted enough to her that he brought her body North beyond the wall," Janos said with a sneer.

That information brightened Jaime a bit. While it was a shame he wouldn't be Jon's first in all respects, at least he only had to heal a broken heart. How hard could that be? Jaime turned and led his horse towards the stables and added, "You know Janos, it might behoove you to show him a modicum of respect. Maybe call him the Lord Commander once in a while."

"He's a bastard and no matter whose blood he's got in him or how many people voted for him, he'll never be Lord Commander to me," Janos responded vehemently.

'Well, it's your funeral,' Jaime thought to himself.

Back in Jon's quarters, Melisandre settled herself in a chair across from Jon and said without preamble, "It's a bad idea to let him stay. Lannisters cannot be trusted and he poses a danger to us all. Stannis would be very angry to hear about this."

"My lady, you're not telling me anything I don't already know and I will dispatch a messenger to inform His Grace of this new development," Jon responded. He was tired. His conversation with Jaime had sapped more of his strength than he realized and he did not want to get into a long drawn out discussion with Melisandre. "I understand your position and concern, but he said he came to join the Night's Watch. Considering the Watch doesn't turn anyone away, it would be hypocritical of me turn him away because of how I feel. And as much as I respect King Stannis, even he cannot bar someone from the Watch."

"As I too have no authority here, I can only advise you. But you have enemies in the Watch, Commander Snow. And if he joins, there are many who would band around him in attempt to overthrow you. You're life could be in grave danger," Melisandre warned.

"Believe me, I've considered that as well," Jon sighed. "I will not be turning my back to him any time soon. And I promise you this, I will not let any harm come to the Queen or her daughter, if that is his intent. Besides, he's used to luxury and servants to cater to his every whim. He may very well become tired of having to clean up after himself and living in the frigid cold and mud amidst dozens of other men and leave before he takes the Oath. But after speaking to him and not sensing any outright deceit, I cannot in just cause turn him away."

Melisandre shook her head. "You're a good and honorable man, Lord Commander Snow. Just like your father. I pray you do not misplace your trust as he did. Let him stay if you feel you must, but I will be vigilant in my watch of him and you should keep him close." With that, she rose and silently left the room.

Jon stared after her. She was right in all she said and he did indeed plan on keeping a close eye on Jaime Lannister.

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A/N: I hope I'm keeping each character's personality relatively intact. I hate when characters get all OOC... Please R&R =)


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